In our fast-paced lives, maintaining a deep connection with our partners can easily fall by the wayside. We prioritize career, children, and the daily grind, often at the expense of the intimate bond we share with our spouse.
Addressing this issue doesn’t require grand gestures or expensive retreats; it can start simply with asking the right questions. Deep, meaningful questions have the power to bridge gaps that time and routine have built.
Igniting the Spark: Starting Conversations that Matter
It’s easy to fall into a pattern of only checking in with each other about surface level topics. Questions about the house, work, the kids, even the dog really aren’t bringing me closer to my husband. But what are we going to talk about?
We’ve come up with twenty questions to ask to help connect with your partner a little more. This shouldn’t feel like a test and you definitely shouldn’t feel like you’re having to go through all of these in every conversation!
Try writing them down and pulling one out of a jar. Or just ask your partner to choose a number from 1- 20.
Yes, you’ll have to set aside time to have these conversations. Don’t wait until you’re in bed, about to fall asleep! Put a time on the calendar to check in!
Is scheduling a conversation sexy? Maybe not, but we bet once you do it once you’ll be more likely to make further appointments!
Fun fact: My husband and I took a pre-marital counseling class and this practice was called “couch time” which I FAR prefer to “relationship meeting” but you do you!
20 Questions to Strengthen Your Partnership
- What memory of us do you cherish the most? Reflect on the moments that define our connection.
- How have we grown together since we first met? Identify the ways in which we’ve evolved as a pair.
- What dreams do you have that we haven’t discussed? Explore new horizons to pursue together.
- In what ways do I show love effectively, and how can I improve? Seek feedback to love each other better.
- What challenges do you feel we’ve overcome well as a team? Recognize our strengths in facing obstacles.
- When do you feel most heard and understood by me? Discover the conditions that foster our best communication.
- What fears do you wrestle with that I may not be aware of? Provide support in areas yet unseen.
- How can I make you feel more valued and respected? Learn actions that reinforce your importance to me.
- Which shared goals would you like us to focus on next? Set a joint vision for our future direction.
- What aspect of our relationship gives you the most security? Affirm the foundations that keep us steady.
- How do you prefer to resolve conflicts between us? Foster a mutual understanding of healthy resolution strategies.
- What small daily actions can I take to bring you joy? Incorporate gestures that brighten your day into my routine.
- In what ways do you feel we’re different, and how do these differences complement each other? Embrace the unique dynamics that enrich our bond.
- What experiences would you like us to share in the coming year? Plan adventures that build new memories.
- How has our relationship affected the person you’ve become? Acknowledge our influence on each other’s growth.
- What traits do you admire in me that I may overlook? Gain insight into the strengths you see.
- What do you need from me when you’re feeling down? Craft a supportive response for trying times.
- How do our priorities align, and where do we differ? Clarify our shared and individual aspirations.
- What part of your day do you wish I were a part of? Identify opportunities to become more integrated in your daily life.
- When have you felt proudest of us as a couple? Celebrate the achievements and milestones in our journey.
We invite each other to consider discussing one of these questions per week, dedicating space within our relationship meeting to delve deeply and listen with care. This approach not only nurtures our bond but also fortifies our alliance in life’s ongoing narrative.
The Art of Listening in Love
Active listening transcends the mere act of hearing words; it requires full and undivided attention to your partner, ensuring they feel heard and validated. As we explore these questions with our spouse, it’s pivotal to foster an atmosphere of openness and trust.
Pay attention to not just what is said, but how it’s expressed—the tone, the emotions, and the body language. Grasp the underlying feelings and meanings your partner conveys.
Encourage each other by nodding in agreement, making eye contact, and providing small verbal affirmations like “I understand” or “Please tell me more”. These cues demonstrate compassion and attentiveness.
After your spouse shares their thoughts, reflect on what they’ve said by summarizing their points. This confirms that you’ve truly comprehended their message. Then, and only then, is it appropriate to share your own perspective. Such reciprocal engagement ensures that both partners feel equally cherished and understood, fortifying the bond you share.
Beyond Questions: Continual Relationship Growth
Hopefully this practice grows beyond simply asking questions! Set aside regular ‘us time’ to enjoy shared activities or hobbies fostering joy and companionship. Date night is great but so is simply putting your phones away and watching your favorite show together.
Couples Therapy
Couples therapy isn’t just for couples in trouble! It can be a great way to understand each other and the way you communicate Think of it like a tune up for your car!
Relationship Workbooks
I LOVE a plan, and a list and a workbook might be a more time and wallet friendly alternative to couples therapy. Here are a few to try:
8-Week Couples Therapy Workbook: Essential Strategies to Connect, Improve Communication, and Strengthen Your Relationship – “This therapy book includes straightforward explanations of how intimacy and interpersonal connections work, the ways they can break down, and how to get them back on track.”
The Ultimate Relationship Workbook for Couples: Simple Exercises to Improve Communication and Strengthen Your Bond “Learn how easy it can be to strengthen your relationship with just a little practice. This standout among couples therapy workbooks features easy exercises and guided conversations that will help the two of you build a stronger rapport and get ahead of potential roadblocks.”
Relationship Workbook for Couples: Workbook and Guide Proven to Improve Communication Skills, Build Trust, Deepen Intimacy, and Resolve Conflicts. “If you want to know inner workings of amazing relationships, and how you can turn yours into one too, this couples therapy workbook will give you a clear roadmap to follow and will equip you with the knowledge needed to keep your relationship thriving.”
Daily Affirmations
Here me when we say not everything is for every couple. But, this is another way to connect with. your partner. Need help? Here are 75 affirmations for couples! We challenge you to come up with some of your own that are specific to your relationship.
Cherishing Every Chapter Together
Sometimes love is a pothos, thriving even in the face of neglect. Often though it’s fickle like a fiddle leaf fig. Look at it the wrong way and it wilts. How’s that for a metaphor?
Let’s be honest, it’s just not going to happen organically between dinner time, homework, and arguing with your kids about turning off their phones at bedtime. Let these discussions be fuel that reignites your shared passions and goals.
Relationships need to be given room to grow and change. I am definitely not the same person I was eighteen years ago when I got married. I was twenty five! A baby!
The hope isn’t that you live in a place of deep questions and workbook pages. The hope is that these practices help you understand your partner better and that spills over into your every day life.
Want to have fun with your spouse?
Check out our post all about date night ideas for married couples!
We’re Your New Best Friends
Hi, we’re Megan and Wendy your midlife besties! Join us on Patreon every Monday where we’re talking everyday life, pop culture, and more!
You can also find us on “Girls Gone Hallmark” on Tuesdays and Thursdays where we review new and fan-favorite Hallmark movies and ask the question: Did you see that?
